It's been too long since I've written, I apologize!  We have a full blown toddler on our hands!  Raven turned one on March 19 and had her birthday party surrounded by about 30 family members in our home on March 23.  She really loved her smash cake to the point of screaming and wailing when I took it away knowing any more of that cake was going to make her sick as a dog.  She is walking so well to the point of being able to walk faster than me at times!  It's so funny to hear the pitter patter back and forth on our hardwood floor when Raven plays.  This is a cliche mom statement but she is a joy and am so lucky to be her mom!

On a more serious note,  my health has not been very good at all for almost a year which has made watching a baby harder than it should be sometimes.  I have already had fibromyalgia for 19 years, but have had bad stomach issues since late May.  On top of that, I've had brain fog (sorry if I forget to return a phone call!), lightheadedness, exhaustion/weakness, headaches, and am down to 12 lbs less than my pre baby weight (which is BAD because I'm a naturally thin girl to begin with).  I've had doctors guess ulcers, but that was ruled out, than a gallbladder which actually was infected and taken out, then when these symptoms did not stop, doctors just said it's stress.  Since I had seen so many doctors, I just took the stress diagnosis (though I have had much worse stress in my life without these issues) and tried to work on relaxation.  Last month, I got fed up losing more weight, feeling lousy, and knew something wasn't right and it wasn't related to stress.  I went to a new GI doctor who recommended a gastric emptying scan based upon my symptoms.  The test revealed I have gastroparesis which means my stomach is slow at digestion which you can get due to diabetes or some unknown reason.  It's from damage to the nerve signals responsible for your stomach to churn away your food and empty it into the intestines.  There are days Raven eats more than I do because I have very little appetite and when I do, I either get full quickly or feel sick and tired about 1-2 hours after I eat (it's the same feeling you get when you are in the very beginning stage of the stomach flu where you feel like your stomach is feeling funky, thank God for anti nausea meds!)  I don't see my GI until Tuesday to go over a treatment plan for me yet.  I've been trying to eat easy to digest food and drinking my calories but obviously haven't been able to enough to up my weight, grr!  I really hope treatment works because I honestly can't afford to lose anymore weight and I can't be as active as I'd like.

I know I can't help how I got FMS and gastroparesis, but I hope to feel better in order to work again and be able to run around with Raven instead of watching her play while I'm curled up on the couch in pain.  I don't want her to ever feel like I don't want to play with her or to think of me as a sick mom.  This is the main reason I've tried so hard to get answers to my symptoms so that I can be treated appropriately and be a more active, fun mom since that is what she deserves.  I'm just lucky Raven is healthy and happy.  I don't know how I could cope with a child who feels sick everyday.  I'm also lucky I have a husband who is a very good father and can run around with Raven more than me.  Finally, I'm glad that my symptoms aren't from a terminal illness.  There is always a silver lining no matter what life throws you your way!

My baby girl turns one in 5 days!  It's been amazing to see her grow into such a fun, happy girl full of life.  A little less than two weeks ago, she took her first steps!  She is now getting more confident in walking though she will still crawl to get to someplace faster.  I didn't walk until 2 weeks after my first birthday so I'm impressed she has learned to walk so quickly.  Raven is also sleeping through the night (mostly) which is great for me!  I still have to snuggle with her in order to get a nap in for her, but this doesn't really bother me since I love the snuggles.  I've been making decorations for her upcoming birthday party and can't wait to see so many loved ones celebrate with us!  It will be hilarious to see Raven try to eat cake and open presents (since she loves wrapping paper and tissue much more than what she is actually receiving).  JD also made a video of Raven's first year he is going to show at the party which will probably make me an emotional mess.  What a year!  As Ferris Bueller said, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."  Amen.

I love teaching Raven new things.  One thing I taught her is to lean in when I say "kisses!"  She hasn't learned to pucker but it makes it that much funnier when I ask for a kiss.  She also has her own shelf on our living room bookshelf full of books for her to look at.  I try to read to her as much as possible when she pulls out books, but she gets more interested in chewing the books instead.  Raven can also walk with us now holding only one of our hands but she hasn't mastered bending her knees in which I've given her the name Frankenstein when we walk with her.

Another thing I've noticed is Raven LOVES mirrors.  At first I was afraid she was being really narcissistic but supposedly babies don't recognize themselves (self awareness) until around 15 months so I think all her smiling and laughing is her thinking she's playing with another baby.  I wish I could look in the mirror and smile and laugh but instead I look at my zits or how I need my hair done or the dark circles under my eyes that make me look indefinitely tired.  I guess I could put some makeup on when I'm home with the baby, but I'm a cheapskate and try to ration my concealer and foundation.

Raven gains more personality everyday and just fascinates me.  She has likes and dislikes, is curious as hell, and demands affection which makes me feel so loved.  She has a light about her which I hope never fades.  I know she will have so much to offer this world and I'll do my best to always steer her in the direction of having the passion to help and bring joy to others.

I haven't written for awhile, I think the awful winter weather has just made me lack any motivation!  Raven is 11 months old tomorrow which means one month until she is one!  She is very mobile besides not actually walking.  She can stand on her own for a few seconds at a time before she gets scared and has to hold onto something.  JD keeps saying, "Just walk already!" but Raven will walk when she's ready.  She's also wants to eat all the time!  These next couple months we will have to wean her off her supplemental formula which she loves but all good things must come to an end.  It's still weird to think she isn't just a tiny baby that can only lay around and drinks formula, she is becoming more of a person everyday with a definite personality!

With this weather, I think Raven is feeling the cabin fever too.  Her toys just don't keep her entertained like they used to and I feel so bad I can't take her to the park to swing and get fresh air.  I'm so glad winter will be over soon and we will be able to go out and play!  Anyone else forget what grass looks like?

Raven has another tooth (a molar to be precise) coming in and we are dealing with the teething issues all over again.  She has been pretty cranky and waking several times per night, I feel so bad that I wish I could take away her pain and can't.  I'm also very tired from this, phew!  It doesn't help that it's cold and mostly gray outside.  On the bright side, I have a mostly happy and very healthy baby so I shouldn't complain.  Tomorrow marks Raven's last full month before she turns 1!  What happened to my tiny little helpless baby?  It's crazy how fast they grow...

I think we might have a future musician on our hands (anyone surprised?)  Raven has an electronic baby piano which she loves to hit the keys on.  She also has this bucket that holds blocks that she flips over and hits like a drum.  She dances to her toys that play music or when we play something for her.  I think the funniest thing is that she got into our record collection (an off limit area might I add) and picked up the Jimi Hendrix album and kissed his face.  Though I had to take away the record, I had a smile on my face since her name is Raven Hendrix so it was quite fitting.

Having a mobile baby has been a little bit more stressful for several reasons.  First, there is just no way we can fully baby proof our living room so I have to constantly pick her up away from the off limit areas like bookshelves and the Xbox.  Secondly, in learning to hopefully walk soon, Raven has had some tumbles which has resulted in a couple minor cuts (falling on a toy) and some bruises.  I hate having to see her hurt but do my best to kiss her back to happiness.  Thirdly, I have to always make sure our bedroom and bathroom doors are closed because she can crawl quite quickly to destroy toilet paper (like a pet cat) or knock over trash cans.  Though I am pleased she is very on track with development, I do kind of miss the days of setting the baby down and that's where she stayed!

I also wanted to talk about the infamous Raven whine.  She has mastered the art of whining and I rush to check her diaper, know she's fed, etc. but she really enjoys whining sometimes for no reason and it can make me want to tear my hair out sometimes.  JD says she gets it from me, thanks dear.  She has had a few little tantrums and am not looking forward to the full blown toddler tantrums coming up in the next couple years.  This is why wine was invented, for moms with whiny babies?

PS:  Winter can LEAVE now.  I just want to take my baby on walks again!!!!!!

Raven is 10 months old already, yowsa!  She loves to stand and walk with the help of a walker type toy.  Her walking with the walker reminds me of a little old lady.  I honestly cannot believe how much she's grown and developed, my heart melts when she says Mama.  Since Raven is now mobile, we have had to really hunker down on baby proofing and keeping a close eye on her.  She tried to eat a DVD a few days ago when I wasn't looking.  She also likes to pick up debris on our area rug and try to eat it.  This has kept me vacuuming but debris just keeps appearing out of nowhere!  With all her scooting around and trying to stand, she's also fallen a few times which is heartbreaking because she always looks at me like it's my fault through her tears.  Mothers have had to reassure me that falling just comes with the territory of babies learning to eventually walk and I've got to roll with the punches.

We also hit another milestone of having to call Poison Control because Raven was in her playpen and was reaching over to get to the windowsill and was able to get a piece of old paint in her mouth.  All I thought was LEAD POISONING and that I was a bad mother for not getting to her in time.  No worries, Raven is alive and well.  I hope for my sanity that I don't have to call Poison Control again for awhile!

I can't believe in 2 months we will be having a first birthday party for Raven.  I'm probably going to bawl my eyes out because she will be a toddler and not considered an infant anymore.  I do miss her as a newborn and how tiny she was (and much lighter to pick up) but I don't miss the crazy sleeping schedule...even though 6:30 am when she usually wakes up is still too early for my liking.  Being awake before the sun rises should be forbidden.